Update: This post was originally posted with the word “Slut” in the title, for that, we apologize (even though Meghan has referred to herself as “strictly-dickly”) we don’t condone the use of that language.
Our good friend Jessica Cybulski penned and sent us the following:
John McCain is a war hero, and he is the son of another war hero. As a conservative and a patriotic American, I’m required to display appropriate reverence for the sacrifices McCain and his father have made for my freedom. By my upbringing, I am also obliged to show some deference to the elder statesman from Arizona, despite his recurrent and perpetual stands that weaken the conservative movement. And though I sometimes wonder if five terms in the US Senate and a presidential nomination are enough restitution for the sacrifices John McCain made in Vietnam, I maintain a respectful bearing when speaking of him. For as long as he lives, we conservatives will tolerate his maverick-y proclivities because of his service record. However, the same cannot be said of his daughter.
Meghan McCain is a barely-literate, tubby trollop who denigrates the English language and American culture with every vapid tweet, every semi-conscious observation and every labored, sweaty exhalation she emits into MSNBC’s unwatched airwaves. Based on the McCain family’s longevity, I may have to endure another twenty years of John McCain’s pliantly-principled palaver. But Meghan McCain is my age. I’ll be damned if I’m going to suffer another sixty years of strictly-dickly, double-chinned insights from her increasingly cavernous orifices.
On Thursday evening, our fleshy heroine was a guest on MSNBC’s “Politics Nation,” an awkwardly-named show that I’ve never watched or heard of until this morning. Apparently it’s hosted by nauseating race-baiter Al Sharpton. Amidst their elevated discourse, McCain donned her victim’s cap and sniffled over the plight of moderate Republicans. After trumpeting her own courageous stand for gay rights, Meghan’s sililoquy crescendoed when she blamed the late Andrew Breitbart for creating a climate of hate, ultimately labeling him an “extremist.”
McCain’s comments were shocking. As a member of Right Pride, I’m aware of Andrew Breitbart’s efforts to welcome gay republicans at CPAC. He was a hero for many reasons, and he made extraordinary efforts to include gay conservatives in the limited government movement. I wasn’t shocked by Meghan McCain’s ignorance. Her ignorance is expected and should always be presumed. What was shocking was her tone of victimhood. This heiress, this millionaire, this achievement-free, corpulent twit who – during a recession – is paid enormous sums to share her fanciful babble on television, believes that she is being dealt short shrift? Does no one in her circle of acquaintance have an ounce of perspective? For the good of her pitiful soul, someone needs to slap this poor little rich girl and keep slapping her until she understands how cosmically privileged she is.
At least Kim Kardashian is easy on the eyes. At least Paris Hilton can make a cute purse. Among the famous-for-being-famous set, Meghan McCain is a miracle. She’s untalented, unaccomplished, unpretty, unskinny, unprincipled and often unintelligible. She’s also uninteresting, which should be the coup de grace of her nascent celebrity, but that would negate the very reason that she’s on television in the first place: to parody Republicans.
Yes, as offensive as she is to the senses and the intellect, Meghan McCain is likely oblivious to the most egregious of her sins. Her ostensible purpose on MSNBC is to represent the views of young Republicans for the 2-3% of America dumb enough to watch that network. She doesn’t. Meghan McCain’s asinine analyses represent the views of rotund, ignorant heiresses, fortunate daughters who eat too many twinkies. It’s a small, apolitical club that doesn’t meet regularly. More importantly, MSNBC management knows that Meghan has no constituency. To them, MSNBC is a liberal matador, and Meghan is their target bull – guileless, defenseless and fat.
Thought-crime is an Orwellian construct in which an all-powerful government punishes citizens for critical thinking, but I’d like to introduce a new definition: the avoidance of substantive debate by employing incapable, inarticulate, intellectual derelicts to represent a chosen side. MSNBC is guilty of that brand of thought-crime. Oddly enough, the progressive network is prohibitting progress because they are substituting legitimate debate with the fun of lampooning Republicans via Meghan McCain.
I blame Meghan a little. She should have the humility to recognize that she doesn’t speak for anyone but herself. (Then again, I may be assuming too much awareness from her.) Either way, I blame her parents more. Every good parent should tell their children that they can do anything they put their minds to, but, at some point, it becomes the responsibility of the parents to limit the failure of their more limited children.