John Edwards has been talking with Jesus again. Not only have his prayers for more campaign cash been answered, in the form of Ann Coulter at CPAC, but it also turns out that Edwards has been truly clued in to the divine. Move over, Dan Brown. Step aside, Shirley Temple. It’s the Gospel of The Other John.
According to an interview on BeliefNet.com, Edwards had the following sermon to deliver from the high mountaintop of his own delusions. It seems his faith has come roaring back. Just in time to start pandering to Evangelical Christians.
“Q) What parts of American life do you think would most outrage Jesus?
“Edwards’ Answer) Our selfishness. Our resort to war when it's not necessary. I think that Jesus would be disappointed in our ignoring the plight of those around us who are suffering and our focus on our own selfish short-term needs. I think he would be appalled, actually. ”
All of which makes me wonder if Jesus spoke to John Edwards, Esquire tongue-in-cheek. John Edwards voted for that ‘unnecessary war’. John Edwards satiated his own short term-needs by buying a 28,000 square-foot monstrosity of a house.
I think Jesus would tell John Edwards to go forth and find a more talented architect. The place looks like it was designed by William Burroughs in the midst of an angry heroin fix.
For our continued pleasure and amusement, the interview went forward.
Q) “In what ways do you feel God is happiest with you right now?”
Edwards’ Answer) “I think he would be happy with the fact that I have focused on people who live in poverty here and people without healthcare. And the suffering of others in other parts of the world, like some of the work that I've done on humanitarian issues in Africa, for example, and going to the slums outside of Delhi and India.
Focusing on problems in a very personal way that exist, and without regard to my own selfish ambitions, talking about things that may not seem so politically powerful, but are important to me, and I think important to God.”
Personally, I believe God would be even happier with John Edwards if he had paid his Medicare taxes like the poor, suffering masses in that other America. People who utilize tax dodges not to pay healthcare-related taxes are probably not on God’s A-list. This is particularly true, while they are lobbying to tax the rest of us to pay for more government healthcare programs. Edwards should get himself in good enough shape to fit through the eye of a needle.
I doubt Saint Paul wrote any letters to the Corinthians about hypocritical Wal-Mart bashing, but there were certainly Biblical admonitions against casting the first stone. This would particularly apply to someone who bashes Wal-Mart one day and then tries to cut in line there the next to buy his boy a PlayStation. What about that other America, John? They need one too.
So meanwhile, Edwards rakes in the Coulter Cash. Like a moneychanger at the temple, Edwards rolls in his pile of filthy lucre. Perhaps David Kuo of BeliefNet should ask PlayStation Johnny what he thinks of that piece of scripture.
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